My OCD Journal

High Anxiety!

itchmyhead — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 15:08:07 +0000

I’m not sure but I seem to have a high level of anxiety the past two days.

Pushed myself to bleed

itchmyhead — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 12:55:33 +0000

Last night I pushed myself when it came to my OCD and “germs”. I made myself give blood.

I went to the gym to workout, did my usual routine to sanitize the equipment before I use it and then went to leave. I was met outside by some people asking if I would give blood (blood drive). I made an excuse not to do so, because I am afraid of catching something like AIDS. I am not afraid of seeing blood, but I am afraid of someone touching me and giving me something when I have an open wound. As I was walking by the donor bus I felt almost angry with myself for not doing it and letting my anxiety win. I am afraid of no one and yet I had let something like anxiety push me around. So I turned around and gave blood. I understand this seems small to many people, but this was a big deal for me. I still dealt with some anxiety after I left, but my wonderful wife helped me through it.

I love her.

No Winner

itchmyhead — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 18:32:47 +0000

Since nobody posted any comments I am unable to choose a winner.

Maybe I will try this again in the future.

Wave Invite!

itchmyhead — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 16:55:47 +0000

I have a Google Wave invite for the person who leaves the most useful or meaningful comments to one of my Journal blogs today.

I alone will be the judge and will make a decision.

Happy Commenting!

PS:
Make sure to leave your email address for me to send it to.
Anonymous posts will not be eligible.

High Anxiety

itchmyhead — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 13:03:17 +0000

I’m sorry I didn’t post like I said I would the other day. I got very busy.

Yesterday I took the day off work thinking I could make myself relax. In truth, I may have had a worse day instead. I felt like I had to try and get everything needed done at home in one day. I cut all of the grass twice, put out winter fertilizer, vacuumed the dining room, took two showers, washed clothes, “organized” papers, prayed over and over, washed my hands alot, and other miscellaneous things. I also had a Doctor’s appointment and stressed I might catch something from all the sick people. I didn’t shake hi hand as usual or use their pens to check-in. I even counted things he had in the exam room.

Today my OCD level is almost as high. I had to recheck everything in the house before I could leave to go to work and had to repeat everything I checked all the way out to my truck. I still went an rechecked the door.

I need to try something to get me out of my comfort zone and force myself to “let it go” and do it repetitively.

I hope work will help me ease up today. Unfortunately, I read that using work could be considered an enablement.

On a side note, I took a nice calming picture this morning. Here it is below.

Some good therapy

itchmyhead — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 12:18:04 +0000

I watched my daughter play softball last night as I do regularly, and I realized that when I am watching her games I don’t stress and I don’t tend to obsess on thoughts as much. I am still constantly doing my other little hangups, like constant sanitizing of my hands, not shaking hands, or sitting close to others. However, during that brief moment in time, I don’t care or think about it.

This morning I was able to force myself to only recheck the door twice instead of the usual four times.I’m not sure if it was last night that helped or what. I need to find a way to de-stress more often.

Another small glimpse of my tendencies: I tend to “arrange” things to make everything orderly and have to redo it many times to make it just so.

I will probably post more later today.

What a day

itchmyhead — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 01:15:27 +0000

I’m still having to recheck my doors to see if they are locked. I have to twist the key in the deadbolt 4 turns 3 times. To make matters worse I walk back to recheck the door. This is making it harder for me to leave the house. I’m tired of how I feel out of control. The book I am reading explains this, but I still don’t understand how to deal with these things. I have other tendencies and will post them in the future. However, I want to just discuss what is happening with me as it happens. Remember this is a journal and glimpse into my life.

I am going to try and workout for awhile. I hope I can keep my mind calmed so I don’t “race thoughts”.

A workbook

itchmyhead — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 19:45:11 +0000

I purchased a book called “The OCD Workbook” and it almost felt like it was written for me specifically.

Click here for a link to the book.

Please let me know your impressions of the book if you have read it.

My first post!

itchmyhead — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 23:33:12 +0000

Welcome to my new blog.

I plan on posting regularly, even daily, giving you a glimpse into my OCD life. I hope this site will give everyone who knows, or is related to someone with OCD some insight into our lives. Also, I am hoping this will help myself in some type of way.

Please feel free to comment and discuss any posts that are made.